Fresh Tomatoes

Marriage, you may have guessed, can be incredibly difficult. Case in point: John has incredibly low standards in the movie department, and I have to live with it. Different taste in movies is the #2 cause of divorce, right after finances, so the odds are definitely stacked against us. Yet, we tarry on.

I am addicted to the website Rotten Tomatoes. If RottenTomatoes.com does not give a movie a fresh tomato rating, I don’t want to see it. 9 times out of 10, I defer to the good people behind Rotten Tomatoes. John, on the other hand, snubs most “fresh tomato” movies in favor of movies with (and I quote Keanu Reeves as Neo in The Matrix): “Guns. Lots of guns.”

So last night, John and I watched the pop-up AMC version of The Matrix on TV, which is really useful if, for instance, you’ve always wondered what song they play at the end when Neil flies into the sky looking very, very cool. It’s “Wake Up,” by Rage Against the Machine, which the pop-up feature told me was “fitting.” Thank you pop-up feature!

Until about two years ago, I thought Neo’s name was Neil. I was teased mercilessly for this.

“Yeah- a computer hacker who can choose any alias in the world chooses… Neil. Ha ha ha ha!”

I still submit that it sounds like his little leather-clad chums call him Neil.

“He’s the chosen one! And his name is… Neil! Ha ha ha ha!”

Recently, John made fun of me for calling Adobe… Adobe. Rhymes with lobe. Apparently it’s Adob-ee.

“A-dobe. Ha ha ha!”

You can see what I’m up against here.

Last week, John went to the Family Video because, and he said this so sweetly, he “wanted to rent a movie for me.” I was incredulous, but off he went. He came home with the Denzel Washington flick, Unstoppable.

“Wait,” I said. “I need to check Rotten Tomatoes.”

“It’s Denzel Washington. You’ll like it.”

“I’ll be right back.”

“Holly, let’s just start the movie.”

“It’ll only take a second.”

“Hol-“

“I ONLY WATCH FRESH TOMATOES!”

John’s eyes usually get wide at this point. Our marriage is totally on the rocks.

Lucky for him, Denzel generally makes only fresh tomatoes. And in case your marriage suffers the way mine does in the movie department, you should know that The Matrix is a fresh tomato, too.