Monday, May 21, 2012

Loss

For months, Ella has been telling me she wants long hair, like her friend Riley’s. “I want a bun at dance class,” she said. Yesterday, I put it in two little piggy-tails for church. Later that day, Ella took kitchen shears and hacked off those piggy-tails. You can imagine how baffled I am at her 1)desire for long hair and 2) this rather violent action. My friend-the-amazing-hairdresser fixed it the best she could, and we both agreed Ella looks like a chemo patient. Her preschool graduation pictures are going to be precious.


Upstairs in her room, I picked up long blond tresses to throw away in the garbage. The day before, I went around the living room picking up tufts of black and grey Kiah hair. Kiah was shedding, and clumps of her hair would roll through the kitchen like tumbleweed. We’d spent a lot of time brushing her recently, ogling the amount of hair that we threw away. How is it that hair on the dog is sleek and beautiful, but the moment it comes off the dog, it’s just gross?

We lost Kiah on Saturday. I don’t want to get into the details. Earlier that morning, she was bounding around our backyard throwing her Angry Bird stuffed animal into the air and catching it, and that afternoon, she was rushed off to the emergency vet care. It was an accident- nobody’s fault. That night, we told the kids she wasn’t coming home. Outside, neighbors congregated at a barbecue, purple flowers bloomed atop the chives in my garden, the phone rang, and my children wept. I wept. We stared into the empty backyard and our hearts hurt at the sight of a bone in the corner of the living room, her crate in the library, those tufts of hair in corners and between cushions on the couch, her paw prints on the sliding glass doors, her nose smudges on the windows, a leash coiled at the bottom of the stairs.

God, she was such a pain in the ass! She was a jumper. She liked to run into my bathtub and just stand there, smirking at me: “Yeah, I’m in your tub, and I’m going to leave my hair in it and maybe some mud. And I’ll probably do it again tomorrow, too.” She ruined my carpets, my hanging blinds, the window screens, and my sanity. She stole my kids’ stuffed animals and ripped them to shreds. She ate off the table and licked water out of the sink. She chewed the furniture. She had diarrhea all over the laundry room floor. She could clear the entire couch with one swift jump. She pulled on her leash during walks. She dug up my tulips. She had horrible breath and she got poop stuck in her butt fur.

Yet, I don’t know that I’ll ever meet anyone again in my whole life that will be as happy to see me when I walk through the door. She loved me even after I stuck her in her crate. She played well with others and was content just to lie on top of our picnic table and stare at me through the window.

I look out the window and there’s nothing there. Just an unkempt lawn and my tearstained reflection in the glass.

We’ll be fine- it will take some time. Please pray for us. This- this is really, really hard.

16 comments:

hokgardner said...

I am so, so sorry. Keeping you in my thoughts.

CharlesDJCase said...

OH NO! I am so sorry to hear that. You are all in my prayers.

Moira Haag said...

Oh, Holly - once again I find myself wishing I were close emough to give you a big hug, or maybe just sit on the sofa with my arm around you. I am so sorry to hear about Kiah. Our love and prayers are with you and your family. XOXOX

Jessie Andersen said...

So sorry to hear this. That first loss of a pet is so hard, especially for kids. We're thinking and praying for you guys.

MGBR said...

How devastating! I'm so very sorry. And I can't help but think that maybe Ella's haircut was an act of catharsis. Loss, yes.

Jessica said...

What an emotional post :*( So sorry about the loss of your dog that is so incredibly sad. I will certainly be keeping you and your family in my prayers (((hugs)))

Kim said...

I am so terribly sorry to hear about Kiah. I always enjoyed reading about her adventures. {{HUG}} Praying for comfort for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

So very sorry, Holly. Praying for you all.

Toaster said...

We are so sad to hear about this. :(

Mary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary said...

Holly, So sorry to hear this. Our pets do truly hold special places in our family and I know Kiah will be missed by all of you.

AJ said...

Oh, no! I'm so, so sorry...

Elizabeth said...

Oh Holly I am so sorry about the loss of Kiah. He was such a good mate to you all.
I am sending prayers and happy thoughts your way.
Ps Lulu hacked her hair off twice... the second time was about a week after she stopped looking like little orphan Annie!
Ex

Anonymous said...

“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”
― John Grogan, Marley & Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog
With a hug,
Eileen

My name is Heather. said...

that is terrible. i'm sorry. i know those words don't bring much comfort, or bring Kiah back. even "pains in the ass" are so loveable. kiah was a part of your family. praying for peace and comfort for your family.

Cara said...

Holly, I just read this and I am so so so sorry. I totally understand how they can be such pains in the ass, but we love them so much. They are part of the family. No matter how frustrated you become, and how nastily you speak to them when they do bad things, they always always love you. They are always excited to see you and to love you. 99% of the dogs in the world are so much better than 99% of humans.