Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Why I Dig Vampires

In honor of the season I feel compelled to write about a topic of much interest to a broad spectrum of people: vampires. Also spelled vampyres.

I am one of a minority of women who is not gaga over Edward the vampire. If you don’t know who Edward the vampire is, you are probably also in this minority and we should totally hang out.

Edward is, as my sister Mary eloquently put it once, “the ridiculously good looking vampire boy” from the Twilight book and movie series.

I read the first book. Thought it was… eh. I also watched the movie when John was out of town. I fell asleep because it was boring. (Read my review of the book on Amazon here, if you’re curious. Oooh! And give me a helpful vote! It boosts my self-esteem. And if you are one of the majority of people who IS in love with Edward the ridiculously good looking vampire boy, I suggest you not go there.)

Despite my indifference toward the Twilight saga, I will admit that I am, in general, secretly very excited about the latest craze in vampires. And let me tell you why.

Vampires are totally bringing pale back.

I am loving that the objects of people’s rather intense ardor are pasty peoples. I’m talking white as alabaster individuals without a sign of a tan and no desire to get one. Who knows, soon, people could be powdering their face white just as Queen Elizabeth once did. (No one says fashionable like Queen Elizabeth.) It could be the anti-tan-in-a-bottle.

Now if pleasantly plump was to become fashionable as well, I would be just as pleased as punch. 200 years ago, this was the picture of hotness:

(I clothed her... it's cold here in Rochester.)

Vampires, however, seem to be a skinny bunch. Blood must not be very high in calories. I’m sure there is at least one example of a chubby vampire out there, but I can’t think of one.

There are three more Twilight movies to be released and there are all sorts of other vampire movies and shows and books coming out on an hourly basis, so I think there shall be plenty of time for pale to become the “it” thing.

It may take longer for chubby to be the craze, longer still for stretch marks to be trendy, and even longer for people with frizzy hair to be admired. But I refuse to give up hope.

Our day is coming.


Toaster said...

I am current reading a vampyr book! I thought that I wouldn't like it (I got it for free to review, and I only said yes because they included wine ;) ), but I'm actually really enjoying it! It's called Predatoress, and it's the only vampire book I've ever read (well, other than Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot). I'm almost finished, so I should be writing my Amazon.com review sometime soon.

Holly said...

They included wine? Holy cow. That would be such an incentive to review more books... if I liked wine.