Monday, July 20, 2009

The One Thing I Do Better than James Bond

Do not watch Mamma Mia the movie. If you have already, then you understand the horrible trauma I have endured.

Let me first say that I am pro-musical. I love musicals! John and I nearly broke up because of his disdain for singing gangsters in Westside Story. (This is a very true, sad story.) I even love goofy musicals where the plot makes no sense. Top Hat with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers is one of my favorite movies of all time! I remember showing it to a girlfriend in high school, and she was disgusted. "The stupidest movie I've ever seen," she balked.

Yes, it's stupid! Of course it's stupid! One doesn't watch a musical or even see a musical for the plot. One watches it for the production: the great music, the costumes, the dancing.

(And I protest. Though the plotline of Top Hat is indeed ridiculous, it had some incredibly witty dialogue.)

If you want to see a movie where Meryl Streep, who has a sub-par voice at best, jumps around like a looney-bird in overalls for an hour and a half straight, this is the movie for you.

Meryl Streep: looney-bird

I am not ashamed to admit that I love ABBA. I even like musicals written by ABBA members. (Yay Chess!!!) It is a TRAVESTY that Pierce Brosnan gets to sing SOS while I sit on my butt at home in a jealous, resentful rage.

And let me just tell you that James Bond didn't have to use fancy gadgets and weapons to get rid of his enemies. He could have just burst out in song. No one within a 50-mile radius would stick
around to listen to this man's nasal crooning.

And Colin Firth, my beloved Colin Firth... WHY WHY WHY WHY?

I didn't watch the whole movie. I fast-forwarded through most of it. It gave me a migraine.

On the home-front, I'm about to tuck my two older boys into bed. Every night is a production, as I'm sure it is in your house it you have small children. I just witnessed Ben dragging his mesh vinyl play hut up the stairs to his room. Why, in God's name, does he want to sleep with his next to his bed? .

I just asked him, and the answer is that his stuffed animals want their OWN house to sleep in. He also insists that the play hut will make sure his animals don't get lost in the night.

"I will twap them in there," he says, ominously.

Caleb has a stuffed pig entourage. Included are Piggy, Wilbur, Oinky, Curly, and Earl.

Daniel has a blue goggy. He also takes to bed whatever toys he has been playing with throughout the day. At first, I didn't allow this, because he was likely to chuck said toys into Ella's crib, subsequently injuring or waking her (or both.) He has since learned. He lines his toys up neatly on one side of his crib, curls up with the blue goggy, and pulls his fuzzy blanket over his head. (That used to scare me somewhat, but I'm used to this behavior now. Somehow, he continues to breathe.)

Ella doesn't require anything specific. She does, however, like a book to read before drifting to sleep. Her favorite was, as I mentioned in a previous post, Where is Baby's Bellybutton? These days, her favorite book is entitled Anna Karenina. Really!

After everyone is tucked in, I must pray with them and then sing Jesus Loves Me. I thought singing Jesus Loves Me would be a lovely ritual that would help calm them and lull them to sleep. I have probably, at this point, sung Jesus Loves me over 500 times. It's gotten to the point where I sing it different way each night: Jesus Loves Me the opera piece , Jesus Loves Me the rap version, Jesus Loves Me with scat, Jesus Loves Me the dirge: no matter how I sing it, I will tell you this:

It sounds 1000 times better than Pierce Brosnan does singing anything.

3 comments:

MGBR said...

In total agreement...including the part about stuffed animal 'entwapment.'

Sassypants said...

Okay well on my b-day the other day when I got Mamma Mia as a gift my sister told me you wrote this blog. The FIRST thing I thought when I saw the movie was WHY PIERCE BROSNAN WHY WHY would you do this. And why would they LET you...PAY you nonetheless.... I enjoyed the movie the second time when I ignored his existence. Sad to hear you did not like it but there are better ones with more singing talent LOL!
By the way I can't stand Pierce Brosnan even when he doesn't sing, I almost did not watch the movie because of him but I myself also love musicals :)

Holly said...

Sassypants, you Sassy thing you, I can't even believe you watched that movie twice. :)